Realizations...

Today, out of nowhere, I just randomly asked myself. “Why didn’t love work out for me?” “Why do I have to let myself hurt because of love?” “Did I really love at all?”  “Is it really love or I just love the fact that someone’s fond of me?” “How would you know if you are really in love?”

Actually, I have no idea what love truly is. I thought it’s just simply what you feel inside when someone does or say something really nice to you. Like when someone held my hand and I felt my heart grew a pound heavier… I always thought that was love.

With my own definition of love, I may say that I fell in love a couple of times. I felt that weird sensation with some people who promised me almost everything someone could ever promise. Love made me believe. Love lied to me.

Honestly, I was never good at this… nor believed that I will ever be. It’s always the same. We were happy and then it’s gone. Maybe that’s why love didn’t work out for me.. I believed that love is all about happiness, that’s why it’s easy for me to let go when I don’t feel happy anymore.

When I love, I give all of me. When I feel that it’s not reciprocated, I feel hurt. When I feel that I am being taken for granted or when I feel that I don’t matter anymore, I break down. And then I realized, love isn’t all about me, or about how I feel. Love is not asking for anything in return.

I am scared to get hurt..or be unloved. That is why I get out of the relationship fast when I think that I will get the feeling of rejection. I hate crying over love. It’s stupid. I feel stupid.

When I love, he’ll always be my world. I will give him everything he wanted. I will do everything for him just to be happy..for him to stay with me as long as I want to. . . until I realized that love isn’t about both of us alone. Love is supporting him on the things he likes, or the stuff he wants to do.

Falling inlove is easy; Stayinginlove isn’t. Love will let you do crazy things but you must realize that love should always make you do the right things. Love brings you happiness, and also the courage to fight for it at the most difficult time. Love makes you strong when you’re feeling weak. Love makes you hold on. Love never gives up.

As a conclusion.. I guess, I felt love… to the person who I am with today. Our relationship made me realize that I shall never ever let go just because I’m scared or paranoid or just being stupid. Love is about wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life.